I LOVE CAMPING

Well, I love camping in our Casita! This might be our last year camping because John's health has diminished. He still wants to go but he is so weak, it is difficult. The kids have helped us do all we can to make it as simple as possible. Of course the Covid-19 virus has limited our opportunites but we will head out soon to camp in some Buearu of Land Management Land up by Wishon. 

Why?

One might say I only write on this blog when "bad" things happen. That might be true but I don't want to burden the few friends I have with my whining and such. This is a place I can vent my hurts, questions, and complaints without damaging others. WHY LORD? I want to scream and cry tonight. Well, I have cried. My Steven and Saira have lost their third baby before birth. WHY?  John and I even bargained with God this time to take one of us first and let this little one live a full and healthy life. That answer was no - our grandson died today. This little one was almost 20 weeks in his mother's womb, we all loved him very much already. But now he is gone to live with the angels. What horror still awaits both of them as the rest of the process of loss still has to take place. I can barely tolerate the thought of this. The last time she waited 3 days in the hospital to pass the little precious one. I am not "angry" at God but I DO WONDER what in the world is happening? Why must this young couple endure such pain and hurt? My oldest daughter also lost a baby around 20 weeks, but at least they had another child to hold to ease this horrible pain, and unknown to them two more babies would follow. It seems so cruel to take this little on from the parents who would love him so much forever. It is certain everyone who wants a child and loses them feels similar, if not the same. WHY? Why LORD Why? I think there will be many entries about this before my heart has healed. LORD please comfort this young couple and bring them some unknown peace during this most difficult and unbelievable time. Good-Bye little boy that we didn't even have a chance to hold ... We will still love you forever and always, just like your brother. 

Good-Bye 2016

This year is drawing to an end. I can't say I am sad to see it go. It has been a difficult year in so many ways. Losing my mother, a son losing part of a finger in an accident, a daughter's knee surgery, John being very ill with hospitalizations, and all the emotions that go with seeing others suffer, it's been very challenging at times. 

I will say HE is faithful and has brought good growth to some personal relationships in our family. We have enjoyed several family outings from Oahu, Hawaii to simple family dinners to camping that have been enjoyed by everyone. I also have a couple of close friends who have stood by my side, held me up, and truly been there for me. I AM BLESSED. There have been relationships that dissolve but isn't always the worst thing that can happen. At this stage in life we need people who don't bring drama and thrive in peace. We only hope we will face the challenges that ultimately come with grace and wisdom. Life is good and we look forward to the blessings 2017 will bring. 

My Mother

How can it be that my mother is gone? Yes, she was 96... I knew this day was coming. I tried to  prepare myself knowing full well her time was short on this earth. But how does one prepare? I'm not sure, obviously I didn't do a very good job of it because I am floundering right now. I convinced myself I would be happy for her when she was at peace and not struggling to breathe and coughing until she could hardly get a breath. I guess I am happy for her because I need to be ... but my self pity is overwhelming. I used to call her everyday at 4pm. That hour has arrived and I have an overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness. Who else will laugh about my little dog as he whined so close to the phone begging for his dinner as we talked? Who else cares about the dumb little things in my life? Yes, we discussed the weather, some recipe, how some plant might be doing, and what each of us might have eaten for lunch or dinner. The last month or so it was hard knowing she did not really want to eat, but she did try to force herself to take something at meals. On our last visit I found fresh Dungeness Crab and that was a meal she really did enjoy. I'm so glad we got to have that meal together. 

My Mom, my Mom... I know you are really gone but I cannot fathom it just yet. There was just no one else like you and there is a void that cannot be filled. So for just a little longer I will be feeling pretty sorry for myself. 

Mom - 1919 to 2016

My Mom and I on a cruise ending in Santiago, Chile 2004

Hello

I’m still here, but somehow I never have time to write on this blog anymore. Life is full, busy, and overall rewarding even with the ups and downs.

Today

It’s been a long time since I posted to this blog.  I’m not sure why, I get busy, life happens, and I don’t think of it. 

Right now is a very exciting time.  Steven is going to be heading home in less than a month and processing out of the Navy!  Well, that will take a few weeks and he won’t exactly be HOME but in San Diego!  It’s hard to believe he has been in Japan for three years.  At times it seems LONG and sacrificial, other times not so much when we know he is doing so well and it’s not a holiday.  Those are the worst times for him to be away.

He has a plan to move to San Diego and go to college there.  He will be taking a summer school class here and then starting in fall at San Diego Community College.  Hopefully his GI bill will kick in before the move to San Diego and he will have the additional benefit of housing assistance. 

Surprisingly, on the home front granddaughter Sierra is also planning a move to San Diego!  She will graduate from high school and plans to attend San Diego Community College as well! 

It will be interesting to see how it all plays out!

Things change…

I’ve had my antique table and chairs from my Grandfather’s home in St. Helena for many years.  First I had just the table in our other home but when we moved here my sister gave me the chairs that she had stored in her garage.  I had them all refinished and have used them all these years.  Of course I understand the refinishing probably diminished the actual value of these antiques, but they were not really usable for a family until that was done.  My sister expressed the desire to have these and it is time to let them go.  I have been tired of the “squeaking” sound they make when one sits in them, which I have not found a cure for.  Anyway, this will  happen now so I as hard-pressed to find something else quickly.  I hate “shopping” as anyone who knows me is aware of.  I don’t mind “buying” but I just hate looking and looking for the right thing.  I want stuff to just show up that I like!  Perhaps this is one reason shopping online is so appealing to me!  I became an Amazon Prime member when I bought my Kindle Fire last January, so I have been taking advantage of free shipping on many items, never having to leave the comfort of my home!  I’ve been looking online but haven’t found anything that works for us.  I wanted and oval pedestal table at least 42” to expand to 60” and not oak.  Today when I went to check my Facebook there was an add for Wayfair dining tables on the sidebar.  I went there and found a table I liked.  It is only 58” but that will do just fine.  I then checked back on Amazon and found the same thing there so I ordered it, along with four chairs.  I might order two more chairs but I might other 2 of something else I like as well.  I am fine if they are not “matching” and go together anyway.  So the table is purchased and it is supposed to arrive before we leave for out trip to Hawaii.  YAY!