Good-Bye 2016

This year is drawing to an end. I can't say I am sad to see it go. It has been a difficult year in so many ways. Losing my mother, a son losing part of a finger in an accident, a daughter's knee surgery, John being very ill with hospitalizations, and all the emotions that go with seeing others suffer, it's been very challenging at times. 

I will say HE is faithful and has brought good growth to some personal relationships in our family. We have enjoyed several family outings from Oahu, Hawaii to simple family dinners to camping that have been enjoyed by everyone. I also have a couple of close friends who have stood by my side, held me up, and truly been there for me. I AM BLESSED. There have been relationships that dissolve but isn't always the worst thing that can happen. At this stage in life we need people who don't bring drama and thrive in peace. We only hope we will face the challenges that ultimately come with grace and wisdom. Life is good and we look forward to the blessings 2017 will bring. 

My Mother

How can it be that my mother is gone? Yes, she was 96... I knew this day was coming. I tried to  prepare myself knowing full well her time was short on this earth. But how does one prepare? I'm not sure, obviously I didn't do a very good job of it because I am floundering right now. I convinced myself I would be happy for her when she was at peace and not struggling to breathe and coughing until she could hardly get a breath. I guess I am happy for her because I need to be ... but my self pity is overwhelming. I used to call her everyday at 4pm. That hour has arrived and I have an overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness. Who else will laugh about my little dog as he whined so close to the phone begging for his dinner as we talked? Who else cares about the dumb little things in my life? Yes, we discussed the weather, some recipe, how some plant might be doing, and what each of us might have eaten for lunch or dinner. The last month or so it was hard knowing she did not really want to eat, but she did try to force herself to take something at meals. On our last visit I found fresh Dungeness Crab and that was a meal she really did enjoy. I'm so glad we got to have that meal together. 

My Mom, my Mom... I know you are really gone but I cannot fathom it just yet. There was just no one else like you and there is a void that cannot be filled. So for just a little longer I will be feeling pretty sorry for myself. 

Mom - 1919 to 2016

My Mom and I on a cruise ending in Santiago, Chile 2004